Shokhinakhon Bakhromova

Activist, Educator/Teacher, Global soul

Shokhinakhon Bakhromova performs as both coordinator of the CallUmida.uz initiative under AccLab and specialist on gender issues within Gender Equality project at UNDP Uzbekistan. She joined the UN joint project “Youth for social Harmony in Fergana Valley '' in 2020. Through all her activities she supports people-to-people connectivity in Central Asia, women empowerment through leadership and mentorship. She studies and promotes the Heart-at-peace philosophy and believes in the power of ideas, sincerity and courage.

I have a fear social norms and cultural constructs will take over women’s happiness as human beings. What do I mean? Let me tell you a story. It is a simple one. I think you will find it familiar. It may sound ordinary and even feel normal.. She was born. She was told she is a girl. She learned of such a thing as propriety as a child. Propriety – the act of conforming to social norms, rules of behavior determined by society, She was taught how proper girls should behave. She was taught to sit down, to be quiet, to do as she was told. She was told that propriety determines her dreams, her goals even the volume of her voice. She was told “girls don’t do that.” Her clothing was subjected to propriety. Her body was subjected to propriety. Her hair, her look, her word, her step…you name it. She saw her dad exerting power over a woman. She saw her mom being patient, quiet, enduring. If she dared to speak up, she was shushed. She was told it’s normal. one should not talk about problems within, to the world outside. As a girl, she had a dream to dance. She was scared of it because she was told, “girls don’t draw attention to themselves like that” Embracing this dream would make her fall out of the notion of “a good girl”. As she got older she realized that she was good at math; she wanted to calculate numbers. She was told that women are not predisposed to be good with numbers. So she gave that up. She did not know things could be any different. So she adopted this as a kind of truth. The only truth she knew. She was growing up and changing. She became ashamed of her transforming body. She was felt the stares of people, of men, on her body. She was told to hide her curves She wanted to hide herself under a curtain. She was told “Oh look what a big girl you are now- a woman ready to go off and get married.” She thought that this was the only logical next step in her life. This is what a proper woman does. She was supposed to find that one person, the man that will make her life complete. She was told marriage is her escape. She met a guy. She dated him. She found him attractive. She thought the only next step is to say “I do” - otherwise her virginity would be questioned by society. Even though she noticed aggression and possessiveness at the early stages of their relationship - She perceived it as normal within her frame of reference. She was visited by match-makers, who by the way made a bid deal out of the unmatching plates on the table. She got married. She went through a number of serious shocks on her wedding night. She was told to stay home, locked inside, isolated, and immobilized. She was told she must do a set of house chores, In them she could disappear. Lose herself.
 She didn’t really know about family planning or reproductive health. She was told a good wife gives her husband children. She gave birth for the first time. She didn’t have a chance to recover from childbirth. She gave birth for the second time. She wanted to heal her body and recover, She wanted to get fit. She needed the help of a fitness instructor and a nutritionist. She was told that it’s useless. She was told not to waste her husband’s money so she gave up this idea. She discovered she wasn’t the only woman her husband had. She was cheated on. When she spoke about this to the few people she trusted, She was told she wasn’t attractive enough anymore to fulfill her husband’s needs. WHEN SHE DARED TO SPEAK UP - She was shushed. Her husband beat her. She was told to stay in her place. She was told that her parents won’t take this shame if she returns home. She was told she had to stay in this hell. She was told this is normal. She wanted to run away but she was afraid because she had two little babies She was afraid because she had no place to go. She was afraid because she didn’t have any means for financial independence. She was afraid to leave because the world told her she couldn’t. From the outside, everything seemed normal: she had a husband, 2 children, a home to live in and the rest of the familial hierarchy to serve and obey. She was told to be happy but she wasn’t. She didn’t like herself in the mirror. She didn’t know who she was anymore. She started wearing a hijab thinking it might be a solution to her problems, totally oblivious to the religion itself. She didn’t find the peace and strength that she was told she would. She was told to pray more She was told to be patient She was told this was all normal. Well, maybe we can’t help her to restructure her life, change her past or help her make different choices. Even if we can’t change anything about this sequence of events’ we can always do one thing – we can say IT IS NOT NORMAL. Such ubiquitous excuses like “It’s our culture” and, “it’s just our mentality” -don’t solve the problem.